Emptiness is

Laptop, on top of my lap, 1:22 hours remaining battery, but thats OK, Hybrid Theory is not a long album. Pity that.

I've been feeling so empty lately. Unfulfilled. I think its cos I've been too much of a hermit recently. Go to work, work, go to home, lounge. No exercise, I feel like I'm falling apart. I don't think I've been out for close on a month. Sheesh. Anyway, had some good chats to my fellow capper and shrike jockey Mburr. There need to be more mburrs in the world we know. He's a Paladin in an evil world, battling with those who can't see the value in his faith, battling with evil, battling with himself. And I agree with him.

Is there any value in morals these days? I get the idea that morals are failing in the world. How many people do you know that would shag without loving? To fuck is to be thoghtless, emotionless. Damn all you types who abuse something so magical as sex. How dare you take it for granted. AIDS is there to remove you from the face of my planet, get off now please. Sex is the ultimate expression of your love for someone, if you don't love them, you don't deserve it. Plain and simple. To shag is to be a base primate, without thoughtlessness. You're fulfilling a primeval instinct, common in jocks. We've been gifted with thoughtfulness, what better mental and emotional experience to be that close to someone you truly love. Show her just how much you love her.

Is my horse too high if I think like that? Does anyone else thik like that?!

There is no perfect partner, just a perfect couple.
Thanks Karl

I'm too involved in finding the perfect partner, yet I don't even bother looking. I've been cruising ICQ, meeting new people from all over the world, getting different opinions and tastes for life. (Hi Fatima, Fabiana! :D) But I don't even bother meeting new people I can actually see. Work has been a god-send with regards to meeting new people, but its all too professional. I'm happy at work though, I get on well with everyone which is great, but still. With so many other guys my age, and gamers, we don't really create chances to meet new people outside of the gaming social circle. Part of me just wants to avoid that whole scene, partly cos I think its all so false. Its the alcohol talking. Am I wrong? Where have all the wholesome people gone.

Today, I felt like I was thinking out loud.

How do you love someone who's afraid of commitment? With a sore-heart. Fuck it hurts. Is all this worth it?

So reader, what would you do to meet wholesome people? You know, the salt-of-the-earth types, the ones digging.

I'm stuck in a sea of people, clawing my way to the surface. I can see all the other heads bobbing in the waves, just their foreheads. They don't even want to breath. SOMEONE HELP THESE PEOPLE! I can't save all these helpless souls by myself and I'm cross with myself because of it. Suddenly the sharp realisation hits me with a dull thud, thor's hammer: they don't want to be saved, they like their obscured vision beneath the miniscus created on their faces. They like the asphyxiation, they're all cheap druggies. If they chose to drown, should I pull them out? Is it selfish of me to think like that? FUCK, I can't let this continue. I pull the closest head out the water, but the stare is vacant, this is not a person. Suddenly I'm pinned under a few of the zombies, they're trying to pull me under. I resist, cos I have to. Everything I stand for, exists in the air above. In a great explosion of zealous power, I erupt from below, shooting out the water like a freak spout of divine energy. Blinded by the light, the mindless ones cower in sheer fear, there fixations are replaced with cold-hard-reality. They didn't think it possible, no one can escape. But I'm free. Free of all that conciouslessness.

So, 45 minutes left eh? Bugger that, I'm off to bed.