Feel alive

We left the blinds open last night. It was too hot anyway to close them. This morning, the sun rose as it normally did but unabashed, casting its rays on our sleeping faces. It wasn't long before the orange built up behind our eyelids and woke us gently. I remember opening my eyes to see you still sleeping, facing me, half your beautiful face buried in the pillow. When you sleep, you smile - A content smile. I smiled too. That's the magic of us, even in such little ways do we find joy from and with one another. I must have smiled a tad too bright, because at that moment you woke to see me smiling at you. Your eyes glinted, sparks flew. You make me feel wonderful.

With an underhanded slap, you pulled the covers over our heads, grinning the way you do, such a naughty grin. The sheets are cool and feel great on our relaxed frames. The rush of warming air and the smell of you permeate my senses. Your hands are soft and just the right tempreature. Not too hot to be glowing like our passion, or too cold to make me recoil. Just right.

Your hair is wild but still behaving. I love your rich hair, your essence flowing around you. So soft to the touch.

Toes and feet start to play at the exposed end of the bed.

The phone rings. It's your boss, you need to come into work earlier than normal. You're disappointed, but I'm gloating to myself. I'm in love with one respected in her career, she's so busy but she always makes time for me. I know that she loves me more than amount of effort she puts into her work, which is beyond the call of duty anyway.

The kettle boils. You love the way I make you that special coffee and deliver it to you in my boxers. If coffee had meaning, this cup was laden with adoration. I would wake at any hour to deliver you this special coffee just to see that expression on your face as you take the first sip. It's the hot thrill, warming satisfaction you get. I recall the way you kiss me when you pull the cup to your lips. Like a dumbstruck kid, I watch you sip your coffee in total fascination. Don't look at me like that, or you'll be late for work! :)

Nicole is someone special, she's like the sister I never had. She and I work well together. For my birthday this year, she got me two inspired and inspiring little books, one "The Pocket Muse" and the other, a book on "The Right to Write". Chapter 1 of the Right to Write has the following exercise...

Describe how and what you are feeling right now. Write about anything and everything that comes to mind. Be whatever and however you are at this moment. Get current. Feel the current of your thoughts and emotions. Here goes...

Beat. Beat. Something I suck at. Something I wish I could improve. I dream of making music, writing lyrics, making others feel how I feel when I hear and recognise an awesome song. One such song is Guano Apes - Quietly. Heh, it reminds me of someone special, who said she had given me the song, when I know it was other way round. She's fun like that. The song itself has meaning through its rhythym. The drumming is not a fixed rhythym, but rather natural. Like a heart beat is not just a blip-blip-blip, it has a recognisable wave, yet each one is unique, like a snowflake. How does a heartbeat represent a snowflake? A snowflake is shaped out of the chaos of winds, water and particles in the air. A heartbeat is the order in our chaos. it's consistent. You'll always have snowflakes in snow. Isn't a snowflake the heartbeat of a winter's storm? Isn't the heartbeat the source of life? Both governed by laws we don't fully understand. A snowflake is naturally beautiful, just like a heartbeat. It's just there, it just exists, it shows us that even the smallest things have the greatest meaning, that we cannot underestimate the simple things in life. You are my snowflake, my heartbeat. You melt in my hands, you pulse in my hands. You're amazing. You're the source of my inspiration, my energy, my willingnes to live. You remind me that I'm alive. I listen to my pulse. Beat beat beat.

The song changes. It's more chilled. Yellow. Yellow is the colour of cowards, of warning, of sweetness. Yellow goes well with shades of red, black and sometimes blue. Black and blue. Bruising. Injury. Thoughtless action. Rewind, always rewinding to the moment to find out what went wrong. Why? Accidents happen. Accidents make you stronger. Life without accidents, faults, errors would be pretty, pretty boring. Accidents remind us we're human, we're allowed to make mistakes. We're not allowed to make them happen again though. Some people live perpetual accidents. Dodging one accident to have another. Like lying. If you lie, you're permanently having accidents. Do things right or don't do them.

Happy Birthday Mike. May you have many more than me. :)