Even ice-cream can go sour

I was sitting on the pavement, legs in the street after another full day at work. It was 8ish, the sun was setting. I plugged in my iPod and played some Staind.

What transpired for the next 15 minutes was truly surreal. I felt like I was in one of those scenes in a movie, the wind blew briskly, my face warmed by the light of the setting sun and this song, serenading the emotional uprising inside me.

There was nothing more to it, except these overwhelming feelings of both ethereality and sadness. Not sure if the music itself had any effect in worsening my emotional situation, but it sure went with the rhythym of that moment. I felt like crying and smiling at the same time. So I had this blank yet relfective expression on my face.

My lesson had been learnt though, it was good for me. Walking into any encounter with expectations is really bad, especially when those expectations are not met to the full.

Still I felt terrible about the whole thing, especially about my own feelings. I was cross with her, but it had no foundation in her actions, rather in my own. I felt rejected through my own actions. She wasn't the one turning me down, it was my own expectations slapping me through the face.

This last week in Natick was bad, but it proved to me that popping a question is totally worth the risk. My time spent with her was considerably better than wasting away behind a computer :)

BTW, the song was "Staind - Epiphany".