The storm is over

The sun is low, yet warm. A calm breeze filters over the bay, crisp, refreshing. Palm trees play in the whisper of the wind, fondling with their fronds. The water hints of refreshing calm, lapping gently against the sand. Foot prints, one set deep and long, the other graceful and, perfect. Shadows within foot prints, speak at length of time's journey itself. They tell of great stories, even sad stories, stories of an epic journey, stories of love. Each shadow within each foot print is different to the preceeding one, unique as the amount of pressure applied with each step. The sets move between each other, sometimes playfully facing the wrong, nay, the direction they've come from. Crossing over, darting between. The lighter foot prints often masked by the greater foot prints, inferior in size, yet so amazingly powerful. This, my friends, is the tracking of a great thing.

Cloth in the wind, light and flowing. Soft as the sand, caressing her skin under its veil. So very soft. So soft its melting me like wax from a flame, burning in the middle, burning inside. Wax dripping itself in that heart of fire, evaporating in the presence of such passion. Reforming, reshaping, resurrected.

Eyes locked, neck and body twisting to maintain that connection. No care, not even worrying about the next step, new feelings brewing with each step. New stories to tell in their foot print shadows. Tales of learning of the other.

Her words, little darts of poison. Poison, entering thru the ears, going directly to my brain, little assassins. I am defenseless, on purpose. Poison, so sweet, tasting her vanilla words, flavours of devotion with hints of affection. So savoury. Savouring, yes, I wish time could die, but at the same time, let the wind keep blowing, playing with her hair, the wavelets tickling the beach with little whoops of glee, her smiling, moving her head the way she does that drives me insane, her eyes, burning holes inside me, igniting a feeling within me, a feeling ready to explode, explode with great fire, water and wind all at the same time. The sun should behave itself and not set on that day. That would be cruel.

A great day indeed. We put in some time to show Mandy and Simon the southern and chilled part of Boston, before dropping Simon back off at the Airport. Mandy seems to be settling OK, caught in holiday mode, which should all end tomorrow :D

After doing some hectic shopping, we went for a walk, the same walk I did a while back, around the back of the hotel through the lucious suburbs of Westborough. Its always great to get to know someone you come into contact with on a daily basis. I really enjoyed my time. Especially the chocolate sundae, covered with nuts and one cherry.

After returning, and showering, I was back on the road again to meet up with a friend from work, Jessica, and two good friends of hers (one her boyfriend :P). We watched Hero, well, I didn't just watch it, I sat in awe the whole movie, how very peaceful. Very elemental, natural yet surreal. A movie worth watching for a change. A great way to end a chilled and invigorating day. Jay and Kay will specifically enjoy it.

No score and seven days?

Its been an interesting week for this here body. Last weekend we went through to Cambridge after meeting some souf efficans online at amaboston.com. A delayed view of the Tri Nations final ensued, followed by many beers and a braai of great beef indulgence. (and some fish)

Sunday was spent having a wicked breakfast, playing Warcraft 3 on US East (doing OK atm), arbing around and just generally watching time pass with ease.

Last friday, I was bitching about the social templates, and like a true sheep I followed my shepherd to 3 functions in one week...

On tuesday, we cracked an invite from some of the edocs goons to go on a booze cruise around Boston harbour, sponsored by BIMA and Google. 200 people on one huge yacht, free booze, excellent company and some crap music. We popped thru to an underground pub / cigar lounge thing afterwards, I obviously wasn't drunk enough. Then followed by some Chinese food, now normally I'm quite hesitant to try anything oriental, but these dishes were superb. A great way to end a kewl evening. Got back to the hotel at 2AM. *heh*

Today, at 5PM or so, we're heading thru to my first baseball experinece. The Sox are playing Detroit at Fenway Park, the mecca of all baseball fans. Should be a thrashing. Lets hope the baseball isn't as boring as it is on TV :D

Then on Saturday, we've got two colleagues from SA joining us for some work over here.

Gym is really helping at the moment. 'Been going 3 times a week (minimum). Feeling more confident, energetic (when I don't go to sleep at 2AM :P) and just healthier.

Stop press. Went to my first baseball game with some colleagues from the office. The Sox were playing Detroit, so we scalped some tickets after a few beers at a pub just down the road from Fenway Park and tried to watch the game.

The baseball itself was really boring, but the atmosphere was amazing. The hot dogs were greasy, but just what the doctor ordered after a few pints and double shot of tequila. :P After the game (a convincing win apparently) we took the 'T' into Boston's market area to check out the nightlife. We ended up in a great irish pub called the Black Rose and listened to an Irish Folk band play some great music (maybe I was pissed?). At 12:10 we had to high-tail it back to the train station to catch the last train home. Got back "home" at 2AM.

Mandy and Simon, another two colleagues from SA joined us today. Go team!

This Raging Sociophobe

Fuck you social types. You stink. You're false, you need cheap mediums to have cheap thrills. You're all so false. Thats the alcohol talking, thats the cigarette in your yellow fingers sending visual vibes of confidence. You're so self-concious you think smoking can help. You might have perfect teeth, but you eat shit. Your breath smells like mint, but you've got crap rotting in your stomach. Festering. You wear make-up to hide the monster beneath, a mask to keep the puss from dripping out. You click amongst each other, in some sort of cacophony of whoops and fake sounds. I don't have the voicebox for that, but I can hear it. I want to rip out my ear-drums. You think you're all perfect, yet you're all so insecure. You think you're all unique, yet you herd like domesticated beasts before an abbatoir and you can't smell the blood in the air. All you see is the ass in your face from the beast in front of you. Mindless. You all conform, and think the unconformists are the ones that break the social clothing order. You're all zombies. Thats the media thinking. Thats your idea of what a conformist should do. Thats your sense of fashion. What the fuck is fashion anyway? Fashion is just uniforms for slaves. Fuck you hollywood and all the filth you spread. You're a disease. You are herpes of the heighest and itchy-ist order and everyone shags you. You filthy whore. Go and clean yourself up before you get judged. Take that bleach and wash away all that dirt, you maggot infested living corpse.

This time tomorrow

... I'll be back on that airplane, headed to the otherside of the ocean to pursue my career, build my knowledge and find life. Again.

These past two weeks have flown by, *cough* but they've also been buried under contemplation, almost consuming. That last dream is just evidence of whats been going thru my head.

I still can't figure out if this trip is gonna be good or not. I know its good for my profesional life, but I think the novelty has worn off. Its like a trip to a working holiday, not really a holiday in the end.

It'll be a hard routine again, but something I'm sorta looking forward to. It'll be good to get back into Gym, see New England during fall, and spend time with more strangers.

I'm cross with myself

Fucking obscurity. The beauty of grey is no beauty, its a curse. Black and White, now thats pretty / predictable. Black is dark, white is light, harbringers of doom, prophets of good. There is no in-between.

Grey is faceless, a void, an empty space. Grey is neither consuming nor generous. Its just there to piss me off.

Its the "I don't know" and the "Whatever" intwined, wrapped around itself like a narcissistic being with ten eyes and ten hands, each holding a mirror aimed inwards.

Grey is pain, grey is selfish. Grey is just a name, I hope.

Erm...

Part of me wants to disappear into that grey. Become lost. Forget everyone I know and just vanish. Escape even? Change my name, unofficially of course. Forget everyone.

Am I not enough of a shadow already? I'm not a shadow, I'm a shadow of a shadow.

I could escape this life, escape all it means to everyone else. No-one would know. Why do I feel like that?

I already feel like I'm not in contact with my friends enough, like I'm shedding skin. This is a new bug-eyed lizzard version underneath, another malt to go. I've outgrown everyone already, nobody can keep up. Where are the new versions of friends that were meant to be released 2 weeks ago?

Here I am, filling this with bytes. Bites that fill? Fill those bitemarks! What drives me to write? I used to think I could write, but this isn't writing, this is just another time demanding and consuming exercise. I'm sad, I'm in love with morbid music, I'm lonely, and sometimes it feels good. Sometimes I just want to cry, cos a song can mean so much. touch you inside like a swallowed capsule of electricity. slowly it digest, then explodes within. writhing and contorting, your body reacts. limbs in the air at pace, in unknown directions. no master of this ship, just rudders and bows cutting the water. raining on the water. ripples, in every direction. ripples, contorting and distorting the placid surface, sends shimmering light to the eyes below, looking up, like the sky will fall on their heads. eyes, so consumed in staring up, oblivious to the world within. a peaceful world, a world of wonder. a blue world. danger lurks but is accepted. its fluid fate I tell you. shimmering on the sharp rocks and coral, waving in the waves. why am I here in the water when I could surely fly above it. I have wings, they propel me thru the water effortlessly, all I need to do is stick my head out the water and give it a shot. shoot up like a bullet, giving it my all, erupt from the surface, feel the air course over my slippery exterior, feel the sun. I couldn't get bored of flight. I'm a bird, and all I do is fly. Its so boring. Now I'm a man, Sitting in my boat, lean to the edge. Put your weight into the roll, till you can see your reflection in the water. Push it a little further till your nose touches the water. take your last breath. push it further. put your eyes under, and see. see like you've never seen before. push it further. put your ears under the water, let the water fill your drums, pillowing out the sounds beneath, but still listening. New sounds. Take a deep breath and kiss your air breathing existence goodbye. I'm a fish and my fishtank owner has lost the plot.

Tick Tock...

This weekend was total crap, yet productive. I literally locked myself in my room like a little hermit and grafted. I've now got a presentation for tomorrow that looks relatively spiffy, worked on my project for edocs and killed time watching Millennium Season 1 and the Back to the Future Trilogy.

Another thing I did was clean out my fishtank. The poor fuckers, I feel so shit. 2 and half months or more without guidance. Months before that of neglect. It was amazing to find most of them still alive. I'm such a terrible pet owner. So I put them out of their misery and cleaned out the tank. Like I'm closing another chapter in my life.

I've had fishtanks since I've had pubic hair. I even used to work in a Tropical Fish store. The tank is state of the art, with an expensive filter, automatic lights, the whole shebang. Just an incompetent owner. I've done the Amazon thing, the community tank thing, and now just failed at the African Rift Lake setup. Its my lack of self-discipline. Its my lack of compassion. Poor fish.

No time for anything, yet always time to procrastinate. Procrastination is the answer.

Dreams and their meanings

Last night, or rather, this morning, I had a really vivid dream. I almost forgot about it, but there was something so insanely visual about it that I remembered, and therefore remembered the rest of the dream. I'd like to know what you guys interpret from such a dream.

I'm on a beach at sunset. Think of that beach in Contact. The beach has a really slow slope towards the water, white fine sand, like linen under the feet.

The water is very still, not a wave in sight, yet the water is crisp and clean. Dark blue, almost navy.

The air is warm, giving a temperate or tropical feeling. There is no wind, pronouncing the stillness of the water.

The more I look at the low sun, the more it seems to disappear. I know its still there, cos I can feel the warmth it emits. Each time I try look at the sun setting, the more the sun fades into obscurity and the darker the sky becomes around it, yet the rest of the sky is a bright cyan.

Soon the horizon is literally melting [heh, thanks Kerry :D] into the water, as the colours mix. The sky becomes dark blue, and a few of the stars are starting to shine through.

Stars become little flashlights almost, pointed directly at me. They're bleached white, yet emit expanding rings of setting-sun-coloured gas and fire. Almost like they're going supernova, over and over.

There are a few dominant stars doing this, I can feel the radiation.

I feel like I'm walking with someone I know and trust at this stage, as we continue walking along the beach... Until we come across a group of people playing in the water. Some beached whales, the usual holiday fraternity.

I feel like we're at a holiday resort.

Then I focus on one individual, a stocky, short-back-and-sides haircut jock, waist deep in the water. He has a terrible sunburn pattern, stretching from his jaw line, to just above his muscular shoulders. It is as rosey as drying blood. As if he was wearing a helmet and a low cut blouse and lay in the sun all day. The rest of his back and arms were fine.

I remember walking up to him and saying something along the lines of: "Dude, you're burning! You should get out of the sun!"

Then the dream ended.

Almost a week terug

I think it took me almost 3 days to recover properly from differing timezones and little-to-no-sleep. Friday, we had an awesome day at Kyalami with the team, doing the BMW advanced driving course. I can still remember Carla's whoops of elation experienced in sliding a BMW thru 360 degrees, narrowly avoiding the instructor and coming to a halt off the skidpan. Some great times indeed, adrenaline highs and the onset of the lows.
My faith in the company is always improving, we've got a great team, all humble, all in it for each other. If ever there was a company I feel I could grow in, it would be Consology. You guys rock!
Weird that I'd think of a company that way, I've been from bad to worse in previous employment, the loose and cold feeling of a huge corprate to a tight and overzealous office run out of a home.

Now that I'm back, things feel weird, exciting and downright scary, all at the same time. Its great to be amongst my friends again. Overseas, I resorted to keeping up to date with friends over MSN Messenger, and making some great new chat friends from all the four corners of the globe. Now, back in this situation, its like I have little time for chat buddies. Weird that. Its great to feel like I'm home, but I think I'm outgrowing my current place-where-I-rest-my-head. After not having played games for almost 2 months, and now having played games almost all weekend, I almost feel sick, almost. (Grr, too much almost)

I miss such simple pleasures as efficiency, exercise and summer. Winter here is just-plain-crap. I'm also in limbo of sorts. Edocs want us back on the 13^th of August for another salvo, this time 3-6 months. Winter in the States could be just-plain-nerve-racking, but another first-time experience.
Tomorrow, I start work on an Edocs project from the Consology offices. I've got to do some analytical work, something I haven't done for ages and should have more experience in. Pity, I was looking forward to working with the local crew. :(

Hmm, work work work. Blah blah fishpaste. How about something else...

I'm at that point in my life where I should consider starting investments. Playing the stock excahange game, buying a house, that sorta thing. It'll just have to wait for a few months while I earn some collateral and build my career 7000miles away. (Grr, work is back)

Ooer, on Tuesday, in my half-dazed state, I went with the boys to watch Hidalgo. It made me think of Gladiator in many scenses, probably due to the filming effects such as the parched out exposure and the focusing on the charcter's features. For horse lovers, this movie would be an epic. The plot wore a bit thin, but the message was good.

I woke up this morning, only after dreaming of Wacom Tablets. What can one interpret from that? Maybe: The bridge between biology and machinery? Or: The better tools of expression? How about: Feeling freedom in terms of creation? What do tablet owners think of their little tools? (Not those tools!) Whacked.

OK, this is bad. I've spent an entire journal entry rattling off about my life. Time to float...