It's been a while (Staind say it best)

So the laptop is well, on my lap again and the CD is making a hectic buzz, its like a vibrator *hubba hubba*.

Just came back from an awesome supper with our resident grey-kop, Katarn. Time spent with a friend is time well spent. Katarn and I can talk about some of the deepest shit around which is quite refreshing. And we weren't even stoned. :)

In chatting about blogging, it got me thinking as to why I started blogging in the first place. I admit, its nice being talked about or being passed compliments, but the thing driving me the most to blog was a feeling of experimentation. To explore avenues in myself and others. Its been good.

So I've been told that a lot of of the stuff I write about comes accross as being feminine. I think our fairer sex still has a lot to teach us guys, when you think of compassion, which sex do you think of? When you think of greed, or arrogance, which sex do you think of? Off the cuff, I'm not gay. (So shoo Anthrax!) :D But as a free thinking person, I think there is much value in trying not to be such a man. I'm an emotional person, why should I reserve something so intricate?

OK, now this vibrating laptop is getting frikkin irritating.

Another thing that I found interesting recently and totally agree with, is that your best work is when you just do something cos you're passionate about it. Pay someone to do something and it just won't be the same, it'll be forced, passionless. Look at artists and authors. I reckon some artists create their best pieces when they're broke-ass or depressed. Say you'll pay them for their next piece and it just won't be the same person behind the brush. When last did you do somnething totally selfless?

The difference between madness and eccentricity is the size of the wallet.

Wholeness vs Holeness

I've been told before that searching for a relationship to make you complete is unhealthy and the wrong attitude towards a relationship. Take the circle analogy. You want to be a complete circle. You're half a circle. You want your other half to become whole. Thats bad right?

I got a different perspective to this analogy from a very special neighbour while she was on an exchange program in France. She reckons rather you should be a complete circle yourself first. You're a small circle, but you're still complete. When you meet this other small full circle, you create a bigger circle, like two bubbles in a soapy mingling, you become one another and something more.

But now I don't know. I know I'm at my most happy when I make others happy. They do complete me first. I'm a goat. If I'm not satisfying my soulmate, I'm just not satisfied. Maybe I am half a circle, yearning to be more complete, but when the two halves meet, we become more than what two halves create. Its the space between that expands inside us, like a mixing of gases with an explosive reaction, with us shielding it, absorbing it. I think you're truly whole when you know how to love. Whats wrong with wanting someone to complete you? What greater sacrifice that offering yourself to someone else completely?

Je suis a toi

Update on the travel plans

Thursday, 7pm. Finally, a date and a time to plan my life around. Gareth and I'll be flying business class to Frankfurt and then Boston in a marathon 19 hours over 8500 miles. Business class, I believe, is the shiznit! We'll be flying SAA in the new Airbus A340's. This my friends, is as good as it gets. Did I mention I'm stoked? :D

We'll be staying in the Sierra Suites in Westborough, MA. At $80 a night with breakfast included, its amazing too see just how insignificant the rand and my thoughts on spending are. The plane tickets are gonna cost $5k, return. We get a car for our uses. Words fail me, literally? My gut reaction right now, is to work my ass off and make it totally worth edocs and consology's time and money. And have a great time doing so.

Gareth has plans to drink lots, meet plenty of people, hike Vermont flat, visit New York. I have plans to tag along as much as possible :D Other than that, see all those things you never get a chance to, such as going to see Linkin Park, KoRn, Incubus, tour Harvard and walk Boston flat. Part of me wants to sit down with an american over coffee and just talk. (I hope she'll be cute :D) See what life is like on the other side. *conjures up plans to ask out someone within edocs* *plans crushed* *conjures up just going to stacks of clubs and pubs* *smiles*